Staying Married Even When You Want Out

Blog by Savannah Cook

Are you willing to fight for your man in the dark seasons of marriage?  Dark seasons—you know the ones I’m talking about.  Those sad and incredibly disappointing times when it can be hard to see any light.  However dark those times, often when we look back, we can see God paving the way for a better ending, perhaps a new beginning and certainly a healthier relationship.

My husband and I will be married 10 years in December.  We have never had an easy marriage—it has always been one that has taken tremendous effort and counseling sessions throughout the years.  However, two and a half years ago it was dangerously in trouble.  My husband’s job was requiring him to travel more than usual, I was pregnant with our second child and my husband was holding on to anger from the past that I had no clue about.

My husband’s behavior had changed and he began on a road that nearly destroyed our marriage.  Now, I’m not here to say I never disappointed him but through my eyes I certainly wasn’t deserving of what was happening.  I spent countless nights on my knees in tears asking God to intervene; to give my husband a desire to love me deeply, that I would be able to see him through God’s eyes, and that God would not just save our marriage but that it would thrive.

We began going to counseling (again) but things didn’t fix overnight.   It was a rollercoaster.  I would think things were better and that he was following through on his end just to be disappointed again on a trip we took to Costa Rica and then another one to Tennessee.  BUT God’s grace is greater…

My questions turned from “Why me?” to “Why not me?”

My thoughts changed from blaming myself for certain aspects of our failing marriage to trusting God’s providence and what he was both teaching me and sparing me from years down the road through better understanding my husband’s needs–Both physically and spiritually.

Whether your story is similar or totally different, it doesn’t matter.  I just want to encourage each reader who finds themselves in a difficult season: there is hope!  We survived that dark season in our marriage and my husband and I have a stronger marriage than ever before.    While we still have a far from perfect marriage we communicate better, laugh more and love more.  We now enjoy being around each other (well, most days anyway!) and have found some shared passions.  God answered each prayer including the one where I could see my husband through His eyes, which allowed us to have hard conversations but in a more detached manner, allowing for more productive conversation.

I’m here to plead with you: fight for your man!  You fell in love with him once, you can fall in love all over again and on a deeper level.  Sometimes it will require you to be the one who makes the sacrifices and while it may feel “unfair,” someone must do it!  If both are too stubborn to sacrifice, it’s likely not to work out.  Fight for your man!  Fight for your marriage!  God doesn’t waste suffering.  He will bless you through your sacrifices and for honoring Him.  Perhaps then you can use what God taught you to encourage and challenge someone else.  Maybe in the thick of things we will not be able to thank God for the circumstance, but we should never forget to thank Him for Who He is and what He can do.

Bio: Savannah is a stay at home mom and a children’s leader for Bible Study Fellowship (BSF).  She works as a research assistant for Dr. Jennifer Degler and also coordinates interviews for HRx.

Comments 5

  1. Amber Easley
    August 9, 2017

    Thanks for sharing your story! I know it wasn’t easy to put something so personal “out there”. It was very encouraging!

    1. Savannah Cook
      August 9, 2017

      I’m so glad this encouraged you! Thanks for taking the time to read it. It’s never easy to “go back” but on the other hand, I knew my next step in this was to encourage others to bring honor and glory to the Father.

  2. Tammy Cook
    August 9, 2017

    As I read this blog I can hardly get through it for the sobbing! As I was reading I was taken back to a very dark place in my marriage that rears its ugly head from time to time. My husband and I have been married 32 years and it is a daily commitment. I went through the ultimate betrayal of marriage and God brought us through with love and grace. We do not have a perfect marriage still but we both want to work on making a stronger marriage together. At our age we are very grateful for a loving and faithful God that didn’t give up on us and we didn’t give up on each other. Thank you Savannah for sharing! I love you!

    1. Savannah Cook
      August 9, 2017

      Yes!! Thank you for sharing this, Tammy. You are right, it has to be a daily commitment. And by sharing some of your story it helps others feel “not so alone.” Love you so much!

  3. Donna
    August 10, 2017

    Thank you for being so transparent Savannah! I can relate to your experiences and needed to read this now!!

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